How to have fun at a dev meetup (as an introvert)

Going to a developer event can be a scary, scary thing. I’m used to sitting in my office alone all day, and now you want me to go socialize? I’ll pass.

But dev meetups can be incredibly rewarding. They can change the course of your career. They can connect you to a thriving, supportive community of likeminded tinkerers and builders. And they can just be fun.

Wait… who are you again?

I’m Christina. Nice to meet you. Oh, what qualifies me to write this article?

Well:

• I’m an introvert. Like, “I tried to read The Lord of the Rings trilogy in 3rd grade” introvert.
• I’ve been to some dev meetups and events.
• I’ve had fun at aforementioned dev meetups and events.

So, without further ado, here are my best tips for having fun at dev events.

Decide on a (good) goal

Some nice goals are:

• To meet one new person
• To learn something new
• To talk shop with someone whose eyes won’t instantly glaze over the moment you say “JavaScript”

Some goals that might make the event less fun are:

• To pitch your startup
• To sell something
• To meet a YouTuber, influencer, or celebrity founder

Those things can happen at these events, too, but if that’s your main goal, people will know.

If there’s one thing I’ve learned about developers over the years, it’s that they have an extremely fine-tuned BS-meter. They can smell fear a startup pitch from a mile away.

Those Bad Goals can also cause you to do Gross Things, such as:

• Discard people who aren’t outwardly impressive or useful to you
• Only talk about yourself the entire time
• Bore people to death

Don’t be that guy.

How to introduce yourself

At my first dev meetup, I found myself sitting alone at the bar, nervously sipping a drink and wondering why I was even there. I didn’t know anyone, and I felt awkward.

So I took a deep breath, found someone who looked friendly, said, “Hi, I’m Christina.”

And that’s it. It was that simple. We had a great conversation, and when I saw her a few days later, we chatted again.

Everyone else is there to meet people, and most of us are also introverts. When you introduce yourself, it’s a kindness to the other person. It means they don’t have to be the one to take the first step.

And it can be simple, like just sharing your name. I’ve always been a big fan of those cheesy, dumb pick-up lines, but that kind of effort isn’t necessary.

Just find someone who looks friendly and tell them your name.

How to have a conversation

The rest of the conversation can be really simple, too. Ask questions.

You know nothing about this person. Try to understand them.

You can do it! You grok complex codebases all day. In the same way, you can find the right questions that will help you start to understand what makes this person in front of you tick.

• What are they building? (This one is the de-facto in San Francisco)
• Where do they work and why? Do they like it there?
• What got them into tech?
• What are they passionate about, inside and outside of work?
• What’s a project they’ve worked on recently that they’re proud of?
• Are they from the area?
  • If they are, what underrated local spots would they recommend?
  • If they aren’t, what surprised them the most when they first moved here?

Find something that connects you. You’re both there for a reason. Why did they come? Is it the same reason you did?

Here’s a secret: by asking questions about the other person, you’re actually making them do all the heavy lifting. You don’t have to think of what to say. You just need to listen, and press into the conversation when they say something interesting.

And just because you’re at a tech event doesn’t mean you have to talk exclusively about tech. Ask them about their favorite TV show, or their pets, or kids, or hobbies.

Everyone loves talking about themselves and their interests.

When you see their eyes get extra sparkly, you know you’re doing it right.

Don’t think about it as networking

Instead, try to make a friend.

One real, memorable conversation > 20 LinkedIn connections that won’t remember your name in a month.

Pace yourself

Be gentle on yourself and take breaks when you need them.

It’s not rude to excuse yourself to go hide in the restroom for a minute, grab your third coffee, or take a short walk to get a little break.

In the same vein, don’t sign up for a million events right away. Space them out so that you don’t burn yourself out.

Know your audience

Understand that most developers are introverts. We all feel a little outside of our comfort zones at events like this.

Be the person who makes someone else feel a little more comfortable and less alone.

And have fun!